Technology is great, except when it sucks

This begins the saga of Dr. Nerd's international adventure. I left last night for an important (in my twisted little mind at least) business trip with the big boss (not the "boss types" that have already been written about...THE boss). I just checked into my hotel and already have many many stories, some involving tech, others just involving the shit that always seems to happen to me. I'll start with the tech stuff.

Last night, I'm running around my house like a mental patient, making sure I have all my stuff and that I'm prepared for the inevitable hell that awaits on the other side of the globe. My soon-to-be ex wife (heretofore known as evil controlling beeotch, or some combination of the letters E, C and B, for short) seemed really upset that I was going, telling me she was going to miss me and "reminding" me that she loved me (it should be noted that she's the one that wanted the divorce, not me). Not wanting to be a big jerk, I resisted the urge to politely ask her to shut the F up, remind her that the separation was her idea and she should be happy she was getting what she wanted, or that she had plenty of opportunities to keep me during the first couple of weeks, when I was in pathetic blubbering shmuck mode, begging her to reconsider before I pulled head from tuchus and realized that beautiful ECB < attractive woman who is neither E, nor C, nor B and that maybe, just maybe, I wasn't as big a loser as she told me and that I actually could do better (or at least as good...another hot chick that makes me hate life and everything associated with it). Anway, ECB and I only have one car, which she needed, so I had to take a car service to the airport. As I'm getting ready to walk out the door, she starts screaming and cursing because I "packed" the charger for her laptop. I'm smart enough to know that wasn't the case but had to open my suitcase to show her it wasn't there. Feeling sorry for her (yes, I'm a sucker), I helped her look for it. It should also be noted that we had 2 other computers in the house which she could have used had I not been able to find the charger for her (it was in her laptop case).

Anyway, the driver came and I immediately recognized him from another, absolutely nightmarish trip with two other colleagues in which we literally feared for our lives. This was bad omen #4...

• The country I was visiting is known for political unrest, and there had been a flare up very recently
• The weather was horrible, but my flight was on schedule...it felt like I might die in a plane crash before the terrorists even had their shot
• This numb-nut driver, who almost killed me once, was back to try and get it right this time
• Divorce is underway, we sold our house and I now have an official countdown to regaining my freedom - it would be fitting for me to cease to fumble life's football deep in the red zone

So I get in the car and psycho driver guy still has his GPS attached to the dashboard - much like it was on that last, horrible trip though, it either wasn't working or he didn't know how to use it. There's really only one way to get between my house and the airport - via a secondary highway a few miles away. He had come this way to pick me up and made sure to let me know there was "lot of traffic to airplane place." He then asked me the best way to get to the highway to take us to the airport...the highway he had just come from. I directed him there (thankfully, unlike last time, he didn't pull an atlas from the glove compartment, tell me we are "on green line...need get to red line," so I felt a little safer. We made it to the highway and he proceeded to gun it. We're doing ~80 in a 55 zone, in a torrential downpour. He's paying just enough attention to the road to keep from killing us (in between checking email on his blackberry, which was in his lap), when his phone rings. Now, I noticed he was wearing a bluetooth headset, but hadn't turned it on. I assumed it was a new concept for him when, as the phone started to ring, he simply screamed "challo" (can't really type accents). He had the phone in one hand and the wheel in the other, trying to figure out why thing in ear do not answer ringing phone. Thankfully, whoever it was left him a voicemail and I was safe again. Got to the airport and had a delay, not because of weather, but because they couldn't figure out how to position the ballast in the cargo hold to balance the plane during flight...with all the advances in aviation technology, we still have to deal with shit like this.

I've never flown first or business class, and wasn't terribly disappointed to make this 12 hour trip in coach (as usual). I had a middle seat, which wasn't great but it was an oversold flight so I took what I could get. I was the first one in the row and made the mistake of thinking it might not suck too much when my first seat-neighbor arrived - a reasonably pretty software engineer (something I never knew existed). I was familiar with the company she worked for (it's one of the biggest in this region) so we started talking and I was able to put aside the visions of my fiery death for a few seconds...until seat neighbor #2 showed up. I didn't speak to him, but got his entire life story during the flight as he sat next to me, trying to flirt with the three giggly, dipshitty sisters on a family vacation. He was a junior in college, a clarinet major (and I thought English was pathetic), who seemed to weigh somewhere in the vicinity of 275. Now, I'm not a picture of physical fitness or attractiveness, but between this tool and some of the other specimens on the flight, I was actually feeling like one of the better looking fellows on the plane and it seemed as though cute software chick agreed...until, just after takeoff, when clarinet boy knocked a can of diet coke over as he was trying to take out his instrument to show giggle bitches 1, 2 and 3 behind him. Said can of diet soda, thankfully only half full, missed me but got her. She fell asleep pretty quickly after cleaning herself up and our little flirty conversation was but a memory (just in case clarinet boy sees this...thanks asshole).

I landed in my foreign home for the next couple of days and pulled out my blackberry to see if I had a driver or if I'd need to grab a cab. Mind you, this is my third trip to this region in a little over a year and I have yet to have any mobile issues...until now. Despite repeated assurances from the person at my company that manages the corporate cell accounts that I was all set up and that it would work as it always has, it doesn't. I tried all of the fixes I'm aware of to no avail, and upon arrival at my hotel (a very nice room, thankfully), I sent her a frantic email asking for help. One thing I've left out thus far is that "big boss," my travel companion for the next few days, has a bit of a temper. If he finds out I'm technologically crippled, I'll be trying to find a terrorist to take me out, as it will be slightly less painful and bloody than his wrath.

Now, I can't be too upset, since it is the weekend back home, but manager lady did respond quickly...with the phone number for the carrier, suggesting that I call them FROM MY CELL (which doesn't actually work). I (politely) pointed this out to her and she called on my behalf. Told me that they were fixing it and that I should reset the device and I'd be fine, but that I'd need to call them when I was up and running. I'm on my eighth reset of the device right now, and it still doesn't work. I have to meet big boss for drinks in about 15 minutes, so this could very well be Dr. Nerd's final story before he meets his untimely demise...unless of course, the gods and goddesses of technology decide to smile upon me (in other words, I'm screwed...I hope both of you have enjoyed my feeble attempts at creating entertainment out of maddening situations).

Shalom