I'm Dr. Nerd. I've got a great career, working at a consulting firm that deals with a lot of tech companies and I love every day of it. I get to work with some amazing companies - companies that have invented technology that's literally changed the world. I work with some incredible people, both clients and colleagues. The best part about my job is that these wonderful colleagues are very intelligent in many, many ways, but as smart as they are, many of them also happen to be technologically retarded. They know more than I'll ever hope to know about countless topics, but when it comes to geek stuff, it's a wonder how they can function at all.
I'm just a regular employee; not the IT guy; never had any real IT training. I'm a techie out of interest and necessity, but not any kind of uber-geek (at least I hope not). I'm entirely self taught, a must growing up, based on the fact that I was raised by a pair of techno-dolts. I understand tech and gadgets better than most of the people at my office, and have become somewhat of a go-to guy for all things technical and computer related.
I've been with my company for a LONG time, and over the years, have been fortunate enough to have a ton of experiences so mind-numbingly dumb I sometimes can't believe they're true even as I'm living them. I'll spare you the stories of how I've had to explain what a client does to someone who's worked on it for 5 years...the purpose here is much less noble. These are the "wow, that's some stupidity" kind of stories.
One of my colleagues came to ask me a "stupid question" the other day. She asked, it wasn't (that bad), and I had to share a few of my most incredibly absurd stories with her, just to show what "stupid" actually means. After a couple of gems, which I'll get to in the weeks to come, she said I needed to start writing these down, so here it goes...
As a final word of warning, Don't think about any of these too long, or you might drop dead.
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- Round 1: Fun with email...
I'm one of the first few in the office every morning...There's a "boss type" who, once or twice a week, emails me to ask if email is working. I have yet to respond to any of his emails with a "no"... (Some people who I've told about this one fail to see the irony. )
A few times, when email has actually been down, he's followed this note up with a phone call...asking why I never responded to his email asking if email is down (hmmm...)
Once, boss type emailed me at 7:15 in the morning with the "is email working" question. It wasn't. I got the note at around noon, with the time stamp from 5 hours earlier and responded with a quick "yes." After receiving this email (2 minutes later), he replied with "are you sure?"
- We've gotten younger as a company over the years, but the older guard has been a great source of material...
One of the older "boss types" called me, frighteningly agitated, telling me that the program wouldn't let him send an email to an address he was putting in. The "devil box" was telling him it was invalid, but he knew it was correct. I couldn't diagnose it over the phone, but risked what little sanity I had left and paid him a visit, thinking it would give me another one for the archives, if nothing else...I went in and was told to "look at this fucking thing." Before I could, I asked if he was SURE he hadn't mistyped anything. He said he knew it was right, because he had "been there yesterday." Sure enough, I look at the to field, and see the guy's name followed by his office mailing address.
- The old folks have been a source of great humor, but the kids all have their moments too...
A junior person we had hired was mutlitasking - putting together an email to a client at the same time she was "facebooking." Somehow, she accidentally put a link to her facebook profile into the email (unbeknownst to any of us). The client called her to thank her for the insightful, thorough, well put together document...
The then called me, to thank me for hiring her. Curious, I signed up for facebook and realized that the kid's latest update was a set of pictures from that weekend, at the beach, with a group of her impossibly hot friends from school. I went to visit this client a few months later. Sitting in his office, he went to open a document that he wanted to show me. Glancing over at his screen, I noticed that his wallpaper was a picture of my prized pupil and her friends, in all their nubile glory.
There's more fun with email, but I'll save it for a future edition (I emailed myself some of the old classics, but our mail server's not working right now so I can't access them to post).
Next episode, the Intarweb, aka the information stupid-highway.
Bye for now
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